Monday 31 May 2010
Saturday 29 May 2010
5.55 a.m. and still awake...
Yup, 5.55 a.m., 30th May 2010... I should be sleeping by now, if it wasn't for my last piece of assignment that I really wanna finish it off... And of course, I wrote this blog earlier, but something went wrong with the FireFox, and it turned off the whole blog thing, so after cooling down a little, I decided to re-write whatever I could remember, and my favourite of doing things now, just mixing up stories =D
So, probaly if you're reading, don't be surprise if the topic jumps to a different one, hehe =)
*sigh* What a same old day, wake up, eat, sleep, pretend to be dead for awhile, faint during sleep, same old thing, nothing new, I feel like a hamster in a cage sometimes, trapped inside and just do the same thing, again and again...
But it's not those that troubles me... It seems that I'm getting tired of everything, EVERYTHING...
Why? Seem I've been asking the same question if you're gonna ask me...
Probaly, all this time, being a loner is really tired... You may see me hanging out with people, such as my friends and families... And the thing I would like to say is 'quality, not quantity'... I see that way in things and people... And the people I hang out is 'quality' person... Good and trustworthy... Why hang out with 10 people who will stab you in the back yet call you friend? 'Quality, not quantity'... I seek loyalty and trust in people, and that's it...
Probaly that's the reason why I'm a loner, and being lonely is what I do best, but sometimes hated by people, why? Must I be a hypocrite like you? But hey, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying anyone is a hypocrite, just giving out an example...
I'm not strong, I have nothing, but still I'm not weak and always from nothing, will gain something... I'm not sure what exactly I'm fighting for or do whatever I'm doing right now, but at least, I'm still alive to find the answers, where it will bring me from places to places, see new faces, learn and experience new things... What a wonderful world even if it is cruel...
And it seems, a loner such as myself will fit in at anywhere... But what I lack of right now, probaly if it is true, lacking of belonging to someone...
Ahh~, the feeling of joy and happiness, where also sadness be shared and almost anything between two mortals, like a burning flame where it never can be put off... But does it make any differences if I belong or not to someone? Only the feeling of betrayed and unappreciated which is planted in my memory and feeling...
The sadness which I bear could not be wash off even when I sit in an open area during a heavy rain, hoping the rain will put off the fire which burns me...
It did... and scars remains... Reminding me the pain of the burning of sadness where it never heals...
But then, after few times of it, I finally understand, nothing in this world is in order... A young can die before the old, where we know that the old should rest first. Nothing is seems like what they are, for the quiet and peaceful forest that you see, is actually full with dangerous wild beast... Hahaha, I think I'm writing strange things, but yet, I just can't stop typing yet...
As I was saying, to belong to someone, ahh~ yes... and it always seem that I face troubles in this matter... I remember once where a cousin of mine, whom I never met or knew, but we were chatting in Facebook... She asked me, wheter I have a girlfriend...
So I answered truthfully to her, ''No...''
''What? I pity you...'' she answered...
I don't even know, wheter if she really mean ''pity'' or the kind of different ''pity'' where she look down on me or what, but it gave me a spark to start an anger, a little though, but I just remain calm... For I know, I too, pity myself...
Hopefully, this 'Lone Wolf' curse will be broken, oh yes, I cursed when I received that book my uncle gave me when I was a kid, and I really hold the title 'Lone Wolf' 'till now, prefer to be alone with someone who seeks company *a trusted friend of course who wants to share his/her story with a drink or walk*, sometimes spending time alone, or sometimes being alone for no reason when I need to somebody but there's nobody!! Damn you curse!! Haha!!
And for most of the complains I get, ''Why are you hiding yourself? Why won't you let me understand you? Why being so mysterious?''
I get these complains from my exes... and from some people too but mostly from them...
''I don't fake myself, I hide nothing and this is me, why?? You wanna jump on my back and hug me tightly for no reason? I got no problem with that, feel free for you have the right too!!'' If I just can say these words out but when I think 'bout it, it's kinda cold and like demanding them to do it... =.=''
I remember a girl who used to like me, said this words to me, ''You look so cold but cool, I'm afraid of you but what to know you...'' WTHeck??? Do I really have that kind of aura around me??? =.='' o...m...g...
But now, I barely could contact this person anymore, I just hope and pray for you an unending happiness =)
And a friend of mine too, if I'm not mistaken, she said that I look seducing to her... Seducing????? =.='' o...m...g... you're the 1st to say that girl, hahaha!!
And as how people found theirs, I will find mine too, just wait for me, whoever you are... But still, I will never trade my faith and I won't be lurking out to find my soul-mate, she'll come to me, eventually... Before that happens, I'll be enjoying my days as a single guy, 'cause I know, I won't be like this forever, so better enjoy my time while I still can, hehe >=3
Haaa~!! Guess writing your thoughts and feelings does make you feel a little better than before, lucky me I get to be online, hehehe... =)
Well, guess I'm off to continuing my assignment, or if I can't going to doze of for awhile...
Not enough sleep (TAT)''
Well, I'll be updating again, hopefully soon =D
Morning =D
Oh, forgot 1 thing, yesterday, I attended sunset mass with my friend and his friend which is now my friend too, we, for the 1st time attended a multi-language mass, english, malay, indian and chinese mixing ^^''
Guess it's a good thing? ^^''
Ehehe... Ok, out =D
So, probaly if you're reading, don't be surprise if the topic jumps to a different one, hehe =)
*sigh* What a same old day, wake up, eat, sleep, pretend to be dead for awhile, faint during sleep, same old thing, nothing new, I feel like a hamster in a cage sometimes, trapped inside and just do the same thing, again and again...
But it's not those that troubles me... It seems that I'm getting tired of everything, EVERYTHING...
Why? Seem I've been asking the same question if you're gonna ask me...
Probaly, all this time, being a loner is really tired... You may see me hanging out with people, such as my friends and families... And the thing I would like to say is 'quality, not quantity'... I see that way in things and people... And the people I hang out is 'quality' person... Good and trustworthy... Why hang out with 10 people who will stab you in the back yet call you friend? 'Quality, not quantity'... I seek loyalty and trust in people, and that's it...
Probaly that's the reason why I'm a loner, and being lonely is what I do best, but sometimes hated by people, why? Must I be a hypocrite like you? But hey, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying anyone is a hypocrite, just giving out an example...
I'm not strong, I have nothing, but still I'm not weak and always from nothing, will gain something... I'm not sure what exactly I'm fighting for or do whatever I'm doing right now, but at least, I'm still alive to find the answers, where it will bring me from places to places, see new faces, learn and experience new things... What a wonderful world even if it is cruel...
And it seems, a loner such as myself will fit in at anywhere... But what I lack of right now, probaly if it is true, lacking of belonging to someone...
Ahh~, the feeling of joy and happiness, where also sadness be shared and almost anything between two mortals, like a burning flame where it never can be put off... But does it make any differences if I belong or not to someone? Only the feeling of betrayed and unappreciated which is planted in my memory and feeling...
The sadness which I bear could not be wash off even when I sit in an open area during a heavy rain, hoping the rain will put off the fire which burns me...
It did... and scars remains... Reminding me the pain of the burning of sadness where it never heals...
But then, after few times of it, I finally understand, nothing in this world is in order... A young can die before the old, where we know that the old should rest first. Nothing is seems like what they are, for the quiet and peaceful forest that you see, is actually full with dangerous wild beast... Hahaha, I think I'm writing strange things, but yet, I just can't stop typing yet...
As I was saying, to belong to someone, ahh~ yes... and it always seem that I face troubles in this matter... I remember once where a cousin of mine, whom I never met or knew, but we were chatting in Facebook... She asked me, wheter I have a girlfriend...
So I answered truthfully to her, ''No...''
''What? I pity you...'' she answered...
I don't even know, wheter if she really mean ''pity'' or the kind of different ''pity'' where she look down on me or what, but it gave me a spark to start an anger, a little though, but I just remain calm... For I know, I too, pity myself...
Hopefully, this 'Lone Wolf' curse will be broken, oh yes, I cursed when I received that book my uncle gave me when I was a kid, and I really hold the title 'Lone Wolf' 'till now, prefer to be alone with someone who seeks company *a trusted friend of course who wants to share his/her story with a drink or walk*, sometimes spending time alone, or sometimes being alone for no reason when I need to somebody but there's nobody!! Damn you curse!! Haha!!
And for most of the complains I get, ''Why are you hiding yourself? Why won't you let me understand you? Why being so mysterious?''
I get these complains from my exes... and from some people too but mostly from them...
''I don't fake myself, I hide nothing and this is me, why?? You wanna jump on my back and hug me tightly for no reason? I got no problem with that, feel free for you have the right too!!'' If I just can say these words out but when I think 'bout it, it's kinda cold and like demanding them to do it... =.=''
I remember a girl who used to like me, said this words to me, ''You look so cold but cool, I'm afraid of you but what to know you...'' WTHeck??? Do I really have that kind of aura around me??? =.='' o...m...g...
But now, I barely could contact this person anymore, I just hope and pray for you an unending happiness =)
And a friend of mine too, if I'm not mistaken, she said that I look seducing to her... Seducing????? =.='' o...m...g... you're the 1st to say that girl, hahaha!!
And as how people found theirs, I will find mine too, just wait for me, whoever you are... But still, I will never trade my faith and I won't be lurking out to find my soul-mate, she'll come to me, eventually... Before that happens, I'll be enjoying my days as a single guy, 'cause I know, I won't be like this forever, so better enjoy my time while I still can, hehe >=3
Haaa~!! Guess writing your thoughts and feelings does make you feel a little better than before, lucky me I get to be online, hehehe... =)
Well, guess I'm off to continuing my assignment, or if I can't going to doze of for awhile...
Not enough sleep (TAT)''
Well, I'll be updating again, hopefully soon =D
Morning =D
Oh, forgot 1 thing, yesterday, I attended sunset mass with my friend and his friend which is now my friend too, we, for the 1st time attended a multi-language mass, english, malay, indian and chinese mixing ^^''
Guess it's a good thing? ^^''
Ehehe... Ok, out =D
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